Love Learning But Hate Being a Beginner
So I paused on the personal project I was working on as I moved to more of DevOps role at work. I didn’t know how endless the field of CI/CD was and it’s been inspiring me. I’ve been enjoying it a lot, discovering new tools and learning new concepts. But that also means I’m back to being a beginner.
As much as I love learning, it’s always too painful to go through the phase of “not being so helpful” to the team. The past few weeks, I spent a lot of time understanding the pipeline implementation, and I thought I was getting there. Little was I aware of how much more I had to learn.
My work has been challenging me a lot, and I’m grateful for that. But I’m also worried that I’m not learning fast enough. I feel like I’m not mastering anything, and I’m just being too broad. There are definitely days when I feel so happy about being exposed to things like devOps, which I’d never thought I’d be interested in. But there are also days when I feel like I’m not good enough at anything.
Ever since I started 100 days of commit, I spent all my time learning. I worked an average of 10 hours a day to struggle with the code voluntarily, and I read books and watched training videos till 12 am. Even on weekends, I spent my time learning and reading. The reason why I could do this was because I genuinely enjoyed it. However, a thought of “I’m still only at the 1% of what I need to know” hit me hard today.
I hate to be a whiny person, but I wanted to be honest about my feelings and anxiety. I hope I can look back at this post and laugh at myself for being so naive. Or if there is anyone who feels the same way, I hope this post can be a little bit of comfort.